its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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