I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize