I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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