your room smells of hookers.
And success
My hand turned me down
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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