Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
