my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
