in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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