if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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