I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
