He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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