before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
