I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
