That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
