Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
As shirtless as possible
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
