the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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