I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
