Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
