i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
