He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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