4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
