How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
