I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
