my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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