I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
