Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize