I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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