Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize