Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
