There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
