She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
