My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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