Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
