Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
