Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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