I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
