you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
