he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
