I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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