Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
