Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
