Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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