i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
