i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
