Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
