I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
