So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize