Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
