good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
