OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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