Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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