my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just google imaged poop.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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