I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
