He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
