Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
