moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
