Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
