Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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