This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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