You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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