it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
