I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
